Bringing up resilient and emotionally strong children makes them capable of bouncing back efficiently every time life throws adversities and difficulties their way.
Do you wish to build resilience in your kidz but are unsure how exactly to do that? As a parent, does all the information bombarding us on the internet make you feel overwhelmed? Lucky for you, we have compiled a comprehensive guide to answer all your questions and worries in a parent-friendly fashion.
Resilience is the jargon this year! For the past two years, the world has been trying to get back on its feet, but every time it tries to get moving, it has been brought back to a standstill again and yet again. We have seen/been through many unforeseeable events, measures, and situations. The entire workforce moved online, and classrooms “zoom-ed” into tiny screens. We hoped to see things returning to “normal,” but in most scenarios, these hopes got shattered before they even began to come true.
To keep going and moving forward in such dubious times needs more than just some effort; it needs the courage and perseverance to get up and get on with life every day; to accept the unpredictable and change course every time life throws a curveball your way. But more than perseverance, what we need is a strong “emotional immune system” to help us bounce back and face uncertain circumstances.
While we adults tend to see our problems as “real and bigger” problems, we often unknowingly overlook the stress our kidz face in their day-to-day life. Especially in these uncertain times, It is of utmost importance to help them gain the resilience and grit that will help them in picking themselves up every time they fall.
What is resilience: definition and meaning
Resilience is the ability and capacity of a person to recover from difficult and challenging times and bounce back. It is the inner strength of an individual to sail through tricky situations and rise again. It is the strength to recover from any obstacle or hindrance and get back on the right course.
Resilience is different for different individuals; while for some, it can come easily, others struggle to bounce back after a difficult encounter. The best part is that:
Why do kidz need to build resilience?
Childhood is considered the most carefree time of life, but it does come with its own challenges. A kid these days faces emotional challenges and traumas in different ways than we did, like peer pressure, starting a new school, moving to a new city, or being bullied at school. Adding the uncertainties of the times we live in only make the struggles more challenging.
Understandably, every parent wants their kidz to be resilient and strong to bounce back quickly from every difficult situation. The obvious benefit of raising a resilient kid is nurturing an inherently positive attitude towards adversities and failures. But there are also long term and deep-rooted benefits that a resilient kid will experience in their lifetime:
- Positively resilient kids are more confident in taking up calculated risks, which helps them in overall long-term growth.
- While handling difficult situations, kidz experience uncomfortable emotions like stress, fear, anxiety, etc. Kidz who have learned to deal with these emotions positively can identify the uncomfortable emotions faster and develop a stronger emotional immune system.
- Kidz who have faced hard times and have managed to bounce back are better at managing stress.
- It helps them in standing up for themselves
- Better acceptance of failure
How to help your kidz develop resilience?
Being a mom of two daughters, I understand a parent’s perspective and the fact that given an option, we would want to shield our kidz from any form of struggle, anxiety, and failure. We would also want our kidz to be born resilient and would want them to rise from every challenge they face. Although, every time they come across a tricky situation, we would also tend to jump in and sort it out for them. While this comes from a good place as it is the primitive urge of every creator (parent) to protect its offspring. But, by doing so, are we actually helping them?
Here are some easy tricks and tips from our EQ expert and coach, Susanna, (and a few pearls from my parenting wisdom!) that will help you develop resilient skills in your child:
1. Family Bonding and relationships: Studies show a strong family bond plays a crucial role in helping build resilience in kidz. The kidz who grow up in nurturing, caring, and close family relations, especially with parents, siblings, and primary caregivers, tend to have a better edge when handling difficult emotions. A strong family bond and support goes a long way in working as a cushion for kids to fall on if they fail. This gives them the courage to take up challenging choices in life.
2. Understanding emotions and triggers: It is essential to open up the layers and reach the core feeling and emotion behind any fear, and this rule applies to both parents and kidz. When you see your kid failing to try or scared to re-try after failing or getting upset about losing, an immediate reaction as a parent might be to make them feel better or tell them, “Don’t feel sad,” or “I don’t like it when you cry.” But this might create a conflict in their emotions and leave them confused if what they are feeling is wrong. Such confusing feelings can lead to further frustration.
Our fantastic coach and EQ expert, Susanna can help you, and your kidz decode what’s boiling in their miniature heads. Connect with Susanna’s growing EQ for kidz Facebook community!
3. Ask the right questions: Take a moment to get curious and try to understand what is going on in those tiny minds. Asking the right questions and saying the right words can make a lot of difference here.
If you are wondering what is the best approach to peel off the emotional layers, check out this amazing video from EQ Coach Susanna that will help you choose the best words and frame the exact questions when talking to your kidz:
4. Take a step back and reevaluate your emotions: Sometimes, we react too quickly to our kid’s failures and expect them to bounce back instantly because we as parents don’t want our kidz to face struggles and failure. We may even fear that our kidz mistakes mean that we aren’t doing a good job at this parenting thing. Take a step back and reevaluate the underlying emotions behind your reaction. And more importantly, understand the fact that, at this moment, it is about your kid and their thoughts.
5. Let them struggle: As a parent, our first and natural instinct is to keep our children happy and safe, and it is not wrong to feel that way, but at the same time, we need to understand that the first step to learning resilience is to practice, which means if we want to make are kidz stronger and more resilient we also have to let them face their challenges, struggle and at times, even let them fail. The right way of building their emotional strength is by putting it to work, so let them go through small challenges on their own; this will make sure they flex their emotional muscles, learn to bounce back after setbacks and get better at handling complex emotions that come up with struggle and failures. (*make sure the challenges are age-appropriate.)
6. F.A.I.L. is the First Attempt In Learning: It breaks my heart to see my daughter crying every time she loses a game or fails to solve a complicated puzzle. But if I go and solve it for her, she would never learn. Just as in practice, failure is a part of the learning curve, and one can learn more from their failures than successes. Make sure they know you are with them at every step, and you love them no matter what.
Tips and Tricks to keep at your fingertips
Here are some tips you can keep handy while teaching resilience to your kidz:
- Self-compassion: Teach your kidz self-compassion so they aren’t too hard on themselves every time they fail.
- Don’t rush to help: Support your kidz through challenges, but don’t solve every problem for them.
- Lead by example: As a parent, we feel the pressure to be right and perfect all the time. This unknowingly sets very high standards for our little ones. Don’t be scared of making mistakes in front of kidz; instead, if you make a mistake or face a failure, share it with them. Modeling lets them know it is normal to fail, it is normal to feel disappointed, and we can all bounce back after tough times.
Find your bounce
Just as we all have our strengths and weaknesses, we all have our triggers- triggers that initiate disappointing, dull, or sad emotions and triggers that initiate happy, positive, and strong emotions. Work with your kidz on self-awareness and self-reflection, and help them find their positive triggers- their thoughts and actions that can help them bounce back efficiently.
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